Taking a parent to live in a nursing home is difficult. Many people who ask their parents to move to a skilled nursing facility often hear a flat-out “no!” After all, who wants to leave a home that they know to permanently live in a strange place, especially when they are in their senior years? Adult children are often consumed with guilt when asking a parent to move to a nursing home, thinking that they are upsetting or harming their loved one, that somehow it is abandonment.
Most people come to elder care after an event that makes it difficult or unsafe for the person to live on their own; or it highlights reasons why the elderly person should not have been living on their own for a while now. This can mean that the elderly loved one’s physical health has deteriorated, and other times it can mean that behavior and mental issues resulting from old age or illness have rendered an independent life impossible or dangerous.
No matter how our emotions may cloud reality, the truth of the matter is that your parent is in danger if they remain living alone – you understand that, which is why you are reading this and looking for a solution.
When a loved one is in the winter years of life, we are reminded that our time together is limited. This is especially true for people who have lost one parent already. When people lose a parent, it is a sorrow that never leaves, and they are missed every day. Therefore, when a second parent needs care, the children may feel that they must take on total care responsibilities. After all, if you miss one parent, how can you send the other to live away?
There is no way to change how much time we have together, but what you do have control over is the quality of time spent together rather than the quantity. The reality is that most people are not equipped to provide full-service medical and nursing help to their parents. That is, unless they are healthcare professionals, in which case they are likely busy at work all day. Leaving work to provide around the clock care to a loved one is not a luxury most people have, and no one wants to leave an elderly sick person home alone all day. Isn’t that why you are looking for the perfect nursing home for your parent in the first place?
At the end of the day, your parent’s health, safety, and long-term happiness is most important, and a decision made in service of those things cannot be worthy of guilt.